Parenting
So, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: I don't think I should have children. Obviously anybody who has read this blog realizes I would be a bad role model.
Sidenote: See my first entry entitled 'Subtlety'
I think I'd probably make fun of my kid. If the little guy swallows a piece to the game 'Operation' and then has to have surgery to remove it....I would laugh my tits off.
But more than that I think I would be far too demanding. I'm not raising a dumb kid. I've heard all sorts of tactics and things to make your child smarter:
- Talking to the baby instead of putting it in front of the TV. What if I have it watch Bill Nye?
- Have the baby listen to Mozart. What if the store was out of Mozart and I turn on some Chopin instead? What would that turn my baby into?
- Breast-feeding..........If exposure to boobs made you smarter, porn sites should be ACC accredited, and I'd be getting my post-graduate degree right now.
- I think the best way to have a genius baby is to hook up with someone who is way smarter than you and hope for the best.
Now, if I did all these things, and my kid turned out to be dumb.... I quit. I'm selling it for scientific experiments and trying again.
My Phone
For those of you who know me, I hate my phone. It turns off every five minutes even if I just charged it. It takes two days for it to tell me I have a voicemail. And sometimes it will just randomly start beeping for no good reason. My friends now hate me because of my phone because they can never get in touch with me.
My phone wasn't always like this. It used to be quite dependable. Here's what happened though. Last August, right around the time we started this blog (oh the memories), my phone fell into a public pool...for several minutes.
I got it out, dried to dry it off, and put it in front of a blow dryer. I had given up hope. Hours passed....when suddenly....there was a glimmer of light from the LCD. A miracle! My phone had come back from the dead!
Except now it sucks.
It's kind of like when somebody gets shot in the head..... and they live..... but now they're retarded.
No Misleading Title Here: Shit under a Desk
As mentioned in a previous blog, I'm in an Ornithology course (study of birds). I have the first test of the year tomorrow, which I'm trying to avoid studying for, which is why I'm doing this.
We had a review session today for this important test.
Our professor has a puppy dog that she occasionally brings to class with her because she can't trust her at home. It's a very cute dog. Likes to romp around the class during lecture, ear all flopped over, tripping over her own paws. Adorable. And it's a nice little momentary distraction every now and then.
The review was going well. I knew all the stuff, I was feeling very confident, and then the dog started farting.
The thing about dog farts, in my experience, is that they are completely silent. Maybe their sphincter isn't as tight as ours (from all the thermometers). It was pungent to say the least. It was like when a lactose intolerant guy who just ate beets tries the gallon challenge. But then the smell got worse.
It started at one end of the room and started rolling over the class in waves. It smelled like Indian Restaurant and Ass. And that's when people started noticing the source of the smell. Underneath a back desk....was a nice little coiling of digested Kibble.
As one good ol' boy in the back said, "Tha' dawg is naasty."
Sidenote: This guy is one of my favorites in the class, cause he has a whole other view to bird physiology that even the teacher doesn't have. Somebody asked what partridges usually eat, and the professor stopped for a moment to think. This guy immediately piped up in the back, "Seeds mostly, but they can eat all kinds of stuff." When asked how he knew that, he replied, "Well I shot one last week and knifed open the gizzard."...... He's gonna be a great scientist one day.
Eventually we were forced to clear out of the room, and the professor, lacking options, put the dog into her car.... As of yet I don't know the end of this story, but she might be biking to class tomorrow.
One More Thing
I was just watching the Oscars (I enjoy it, leave me alone) and they were doing the montages for those involved in films who had died in the past year. Now, I was actually visibly upset when I heard Heath Ledger had died. "The Patriot", "Knight's Tale", "10 Things I Hate About You". He was a fantastic actor in fantastic films. But for the montage, all they showed were a bunch of clips from Brokeback Mountain
.....uhmmm....
byah?
Rob