First off, I used to volunteer at the National Zoo in Washington, DC. It's kind of a deathtrap. "Sure red pandas can eat rat poison!" I blame President Bush. But the place I worked, the Bird House, was actually pretty nice.
I was a good little volunteer. Cleaned cages, fed the birds, took observations. It was fun. Here's a fun story: During the day, a bird called the Great Argus stays nice and quiet in its fenced in area. At night, she patrols the halls. Well apparently nobody decided to tell me this on the first day. So I'm opening up at 6 AM, walk in the doors, turn the light on, and this is staring at me.
Needless to say, I was shocked. It started fluttering at me, so I took a step back....into some Great Argus poo.
Here's a not so fun story from the Zoo. My favorite bird there was the rhea. It's a South American rattite (kind of like an ostrich). They are very passive, and I could stroll into their exhibit whenever I felt like it. Right next to the rheas, however, were the cassowaries. This is a cassowary:
They are very territorial, very agressive birds. Right above their enclosure there was a nest with baby birds in it. One of them fell out. It was scrambling on the ground, calling out in a very adorable whimper. The cassowary walked up....sniffed it.....and stepped on it. This is what cassowaries do when people get near them:
Sidenote: Whenever you're at a zoo, and you see an animal near the glass watching you and following you....it's not friendly.....it wants to get you. So take a picture and don't look it in the eyes.
So one day, I'm cleaning in the rhea cage, and somebody locks me in on accident. I see that the only way to climb out is by propping myself against the cassowary wall and flinging myself over. The wall is only about 7 feet tall. It was feasible. So I get a grip, haul myself up, and look over the wall......The bloody cassowary is just sitting there watching me. Not hissing or growling like normal...just...staring. Well, I get myself over. No big deal. The next day I'm walking by and stop to read the information about cassowaries they have on signs outside: "These magnificent animals can jump seven feet straight up in the air."
......
It's a good thing my shorts were already brown.
Well, those were my zoo stories. So now I'm taking this Ornithology class about birds. I like the anatomy side of it (supracoracoideus dudes). But not all of it is good. There's another side of the class that sucks cloacae. I have a 7 AM lab...to go birding. Thats an abbreviation for birdwatching. And while i still laugh whenever I see a "Tufted Titmouse" it's not quite what I want to be doing at 7 AM. Regis and Kelly aren't even awake yet. This is wrong.
Well, right now in Ornithology I'm doing a project about Bird Infidelity....I'm going to wait a while for you to take that all in. OK, here's the scoop: 90% of birds are monogamous for atleast the breeding season. Male and female both help in feeding, incubating, and caring for the young. But what is relatively unknown is that in many cases, mostly in large social groups, the female birds...has somebody else warm up the nest. While Papa Bird is off at work, Momma Bird is fellating the neighbor.
Sidenote: Bird blowjobs probably hurt
My project is going to be about this behavior, but part of me is going to feel really awkward about it.....Should I tell Papa Bird?..... He has a right to know. A rift will form in the family. Who would get the nest in the divorce? And what about the chick?! DAMMIT I WASN'T READY TO PLAY BIRD GOD TODAY!
Byah!
-Rob
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