The Big Screen

So, today was an excursion into the world of film acting. I had gotten a role in a ... wait for it.... student programs film about off-campus housing. This is the big leagues people!

I was thinking that this is gonna be incredible. I'm going to be acting! Make funny faces on camera! Be on Oprah!

That's what I thought before I actually got to work. Seven hours later after three lines and 89 takes, I was having some second thoughts. Turns out acting might be one of the most boring careers ever. No wonder they all do coke.

This was a real series of takes this afternoon. My line was "Is that included in the rent?":

I walk after the realtor lady who says her line about natural gas heating.
Me: Is that included in the rent?
Director: OK, cut. Bobby why don't you stand here after she says her line. Lets redo it.

Realtor lady does her line.
Me: Is that included in the rent?
Director: OK. Bobby, can you just stand still while we get the lighting right?

14 minutes later I can move.

Realtor lady does her line.
Me: Is that included in the rent?
Director: OK, cut. Bobby, I really like how you're saying the line. But I want more.
Me: More what?
Director: Just more... (and he definitely made a pelvic kind of wiggle).

Realtor lady does her line.
I then go through 8 more takes with various inflections and facial expressions. Finally, I do one that was good in some way that I didn't understand.
Director: OK, that was brilliant. So.....we're actually gonna start taping it now. I want you to do the exact same thing. Just remember.....(and he wiggled again).

It takes 13 more takes. And then we did close-ups.

That was scene 1 of 23.

One interesting part of the whole thing was that they had written in a girlfriend for me. Which was awesome cause my order from that Russian catalogue was taking a long time to get over here. I had met the girl before. We had said hello and not much else. Now today we were actually doing scenes together, talking in between takes, and that's when I realize....I do not like this girl. It was just one of those things. We would not date, we would not be friends. If she were a guy it would have come down to fisticuffs. Instead of being nice and perhaps trying to get chemistry on screen, the day was spent with us pretending like we're in a good relationship while casually slipping insults at each other after the scene. Each of these statements started with "I think my character would...

She would say things like: "I think my character would rather be involved with a different actor" or "I think my character could do better."
And I would say things like "I think my character would be better off single" or "I think my character would rather be gay."

We spent 3 hours on two scenes where we were "snuggling" (I might have bruises from that ordeal) on the floor watching a "movie".

Sidenote: The "movie" we were watching was a blank TV with a guy behind it flickering a blue light back and forth. That way it looked like the lights of TV was flickering on the scene. I have no freaking clue why we couldn't just watch Jungle 2 Jungle or something.

The big climax of the film was the PARTY scene. The basic premise is that we have a house, and a party of ours gets out of hand. It's all meant to show students what not to do when they move off campus.

Another idea of what not to do is invite a whole bunch of students to be extras in a party scene, have them come at 5:00, and not begin shooting their scene until 7:30. Basically what we did was cram them all in the basement, and every five minutes or so the Director would scream down the stairs to be quiet because the highly tuned audio equipment was going haywire. They also weren't fed very much. I'm almost positive one of the girls, I think her name was Anne, started writing a diary.

But finally we had the party scene. They basically told us to just mill around and pretend to be partying. They would film the whole thing and make a montage out of it later. So we're just hanging around with empty solo cups with a bunch of people shouting directions on where to wander to. Now, I'm not much of a party guy, and am actually pretty shy. But nothing quite brings that fact into light more than a middle-aged director with a megaphone yelling, "Bobby! Go talk to the group of girls in the center! Stop hiding in the corner!"

And in case you were wondering, my committed girlfriend in the scene had wandered off with a frat kid.

Ah well, so that was my day. It was fun in parts. And I got paid, so I would count it as a success. Be sure to check out my flick, coming soon to a Housing Fair near you.


Byah!

Rob