Be Afraid

This is late-breaking news that has the international community abuzz. Certain individuals have been shown to have ties to "murderous Islamic extremists" according to Michelle Malkin, author of a nationally recognized column.

Sidenote: Much like me.

The perpetrators? Dunkin' Donuts and Rachel Ray.

Terrifying.

Here's the scoop (yes, it's an actual news story). Rachel Ray did a commercial for Dunkin' Donuts. Her apparel was chosen by a professional, they did the commercial, it was aired, and all seemed to be going well. But then the controversy started (as everyone knew it would).

Turns out, Rachel Ray's scarf is reminiscent of scarves worn by those darned "murderous Islamic extremists". The Middle Eastern garb is called a kiffiyeh. The "look" was popularized by Yasser Arafat and is worn in all of those beheading videos. And honestly, I'm surprised more people didn't see the resemblance. I totally thought this dude had a cooking show.

Her scarf apparently just screams "JIHAD!", which was not the message Dunkin' Donuts was going for, so the advertisement will no longer be run. According to one executive: "we are no longer using the ad because the possibility of misperception (i.e. resembling terrorists) detracted from its original intention to promote our iced coffee." So the gist of the ad was like so:

Very easy to get the selling point confused.

Mistakes like this are surprisingly common in advertisements. Who can forget "Earl's Ice Cream, Inc."? The company was doomed due to an unfortunate shaving mistake in their first marketing campaign. They swiftly lost customers.


But the article wouldn't stop there. It couldn't! Because the corruption isn't stopping at Rachel Ray. The author, Michelle Markin, who is now a shoo-in for the Pulitzer, has discovered numerous kiffeyeh-wearing celebrities spreading Islam. Colin Farrell (actor, last seen in Bruges), Kanye West (rapper, possibly Jesus), and Howard Dean (wait....what?) have all been seen wearing similar scarves.

Any 'Average Joe' seeing one of these men in these scarves would have thought, 'uh....gay?' But now the public has been made aware that it is actually a symbol of people involved in radical Islamic practices. Thank you, Michelle Malkin, for your hard-hitting journalism. Thank you.

Guantanamo is gonna be packed.

BYAH!

Rob

Sense of Accomplishment

Once again, my faithful reader(s), I have been lax in my blogging. Let's get you all up to date.

The school year is over, and for all those who are interested, I did quite well. For all those who aren't... you're just jealous.

And get this guys....I'm exercising. I'm jogging on a regular basis, running in progressively larger circles until I get lost somewhere in West Virginia. I actually tried running with one of my dogs today. One bit of advice I should give you pet-owning runners out there: Make sure you let them go to the bathroom before you take them running. Otherwise, you'll be running along at a regular pace listening to the Braveheart soundtrack (I get the image of a highlander trekking across the landscape, it motivates me...shuttup) and all of a sudden you feel a jerk on the line. You give it a tug, thinking your dog just stopped to sniff at something..... not the case. You turn around and you're dragging your dog across someone's driveway and she's dropping pellets every two feet. Not good.

Well, in the pursuit of bodily health, I took up a game of basketball with our old friend Joe. It's been a while since I've played (because I suck) but apparently flip flops are not the foot garment of choice. Another interesting note is that the only basketball we could find was a fancy "glow-in-the-dark" one, which doesn't really make sense since the hoop doesn't glow in the dark. There are lot of claimed "swishes" when we play at night.

Sidenote: I really do suck. Joe was playing PIG, while I was playing PORK CHOP (yeah, he still beat me). Not only that, but every time I shoot, my left leg just has this insistent urge to flail, like I'm skipping over a puddle.

Well, we were wrapping up our game when Joe notices that there is a kite stuck high up in a tree next to the court. Being the civic-minded young men that we are, we took it upon ourselves to rescue the stranded kite.

Lacking both a ladder and a migrant worker to shimmy up the tree and grab our fruit, we settled on our next best tools: my flip-flops and Joe's glow-in-the-dark basketball. We were only heaving our various implements for a few seconds when....one of them didn't come down. That's right, our basketball was now stuck in the tree as well. And not just stuck, it was wedged in a perfect basketball-shaped cradle. Honestly, if that had been what we wanted, it couldn't have gone any better. As it was, we now had a basketball stuck in a tree.

The next twenty minutes was spent intermittently changing from shaking the tree to throwing flip flops and sneakers at it (Joe took his shoes off for added ammunition). As the sun began setting, the inherent property of the glow-in-the-dark basketball began to show itself, giving off a pale yellow light. It brought a crowd of onlookers from a little girl's soccer team that was practicing next to us. It actually would have been quite a magnificent sight if it weren't for the two tiring college boys cursing this ungodly sycamore in progressively higher tones, much to the excitement of the children.

Well, finally, an expertly thrown flip-flop from yours truly was able to dislodge the glowing basketball. When I picked it up I thought I might get super-basketball powers like in Space Jam (anybody else remember the 90s?).

Anyway, Joe and I were then able to walk home with a good feeling of accomplishment. We conveniently forgot about the kite that was still up there.

BYAH!

Rob

Why I'm Stupid

My Internet went out on me last night.

It happened when I was having a lot of IM conversations at the same time. And of course, when Internet goes IM doesn't tell you, so I spent about ten minutes afterwards telling stories and wondering why nobody was replying back.

Now, I had spent some time without Internet when I desired the need for human contact, and not the kind I have with myself (again, no Internet).

So I tried to call my girlfriend, it went straight to voicemail.

I tried to call Joe, that went to voicemail, too.

And then a thought popped into my mind.....what if I was dead? The possibility lingered in my mind for much longer than it should have. I thought that any second the little black things from the movie Ghost would come and drag me off.

Anyway, long story short, I called my mom to reassure myself I was alive.

Trying to recover from my near-death experience, I decided to visit the blog....... but I couldn't... I'm stupid.


BYAH!

Rob