Be Afraid

This is late-breaking news that has the international community abuzz. Certain individuals have been shown to have ties to "murderous Islamic extremists" according to Michelle Malkin, author of a nationally recognized column.

Sidenote: Much like me.

The perpetrators? Dunkin' Donuts and Rachel Ray.

Terrifying.

Here's the scoop (yes, it's an actual news story). Rachel Ray did a commercial for Dunkin' Donuts. Her apparel was chosen by a professional, they did the commercial, it was aired, and all seemed to be going well. But then the controversy started (as everyone knew it would).

Turns out, Rachel Ray's scarf is reminiscent of scarves worn by those darned "murderous Islamic extremists". The Middle Eastern garb is called a kiffiyeh. The "look" was popularized by Yasser Arafat and is worn in all of those beheading videos. And honestly, I'm surprised more people didn't see the resemblance. I totally thought this dude had a cooking show.

Her scarf apparently just screams "JIHAD!", which was not the message Dunkin' Donuts was going for, so the advertisement will no longer be run. According to one executive: "we are no longer using the ad because the possibility of misperception (i.e. resembling terrorists) detracted from its original intention to promote our iced coffee." So the gist of the ad was like so:

Very easy to get the selling point confused.

Mistakes like this are surprisingly common in advertisements. Who can forget "Earl's Ice Cream, Inc."? The company was doomed due to an unfortunate shaving mistake in their first marketing campaign. They swiftly lost customers.


But the article wouldn't stop there. It couldn't! Because the corruption isn't stopping at Rachel Ray. The author, Michelle Markin, who is now a shoo-in for the Pulitzer, has discovered numerous kiffeyeh-wearing celebrities spreading Islam. Colin Farrell (actor, last seen in Bruges), Kanye West (rapper, possibly Jesus), and Howard Dean (wait....what?) have all been seen wearing similar scarves.

Any 'Average Joe' seeing one of these men in these scarves would have thought, 'uh....gay?' But now the public has been made aware that it is actually a symbol of people involved in radical Islamic practices. Thank you, Michelle Malkin, for your hard-hitting journalism. Thank you.

Guantanamo is gonna be packed.

BYAH!

Rob