Have you ever been talking to someone on the phone, and then realize that you're making hand movements? Of course the other person can't see these movements, and you feel like a fool. And then you start flipping the bird...and they have no idea....and you feel superior. So next time you're talking on the phone with me...and you hear me giggle....you just got insulted Stevie Wonder-style.
For Christmas, me and my sister got a tin of cookies from Santa. They have all been very delectable so far, with layers of different flavors, each one separated by a sheet of wax paper. Well, a week or two ago, I was grabbing a cookie and I thought I felt a soft layer at the very bottom of the container. I immediately thought, 'oooooh, there's a brownie layer at the bottom!' So we've been eating the cookies at a regular pace, until finally there's only one more piece of wax paper left. I peel it back expecting brownie-town. Instead, it was a layer of Styrofoam. I know I shouldn't have been so hurt from this, but I've fallen into a depression. Long story short, I've started drinking again.
This is going to be an odd tale to tell. To start with, I'm a spontaneous burper. What this means is that I don't feel the burp coming...it just fuckin happens. In any situation, it could happen. Well...I was kissing my girlfriend......and it happened. The sound reached her first, like a whoopie cushion getting stabbed with a fork, just a "fpuhh". There was a moment of confusion, and then instantly her senses of smell...and taste....made her understand what was going on. Her eyes widened in disgust....and she punched me in the face. Anyway, I might be single very soon.
Byah!
-Rob
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